The past few weeks have been a huge challenge. A busted tire in Phoenix, running out of money, missing my friends in Charlotte, wanting a girlfriend, struggling with lust in my heart, another busted tire in Dallas, a sick dog, and a total lack of clarity.
That said, the past few weeks have also been great. Incredible places (Sedona, White Sands National Monument, Carlsbad Canyon, Sitting Bull Falls, El Paso, Dallas, Houston, and more Dallas). Incredible people. And incredible opportunities to share God's love (Rescue Mission of El Paso, Watermark Community Church, Crosby Community Church, a random encounter with a hotel clerk, hiking with a cancer patient, and telling the tow truck man about Jesus).
Faith is a different kind of challenge. Faith, as I’ve come to know it, is exactly like the Word says:
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for, and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1
Ok God, I’m good with the confidence and the hope part – that’s pretty easy. But assurance? About what I do not see?
My humanity is so rooted in what I can see, that I often forget about the infinite universe of my Creator – the spiritual realm, the days ahead of me, my future wife, my future family, and my eternal life. I’m so caught up in wanting more money, a plan for my future, less pain, and more Instagram followers that I completely lose sight of why I exist. And that’s sad.
When I take a look at my past relationships, and I think about how much it hurts to not feel trusted…it makes me wonder how God must feel when I don’t trust His perfect plan for my life. My fears are disrespectful to my Creator, and I need to trust Him.
This is the first part of the journey where I’ve felt clueless about where to go next. Until now, there’s been something to look forward to, whether it’s a speaking engagement or a couch to sleep on. There’s literally nothing concrete on my horizon. And I have to ask myself, why is this?
Is this God telling me to stay in Texas? Should I be angry that people aren’t reaching out like they used to? Or should I look inward? Maybe I’m not seeing something.
Faith is assurance in what we do not see.
In truth, I can’t think of an appropriate conclusion here. I’m just going to trust in God’s providence.
Please pray for me. Pray that God will reveal the next step, and that I’ll have the heart to say yes to whatever that is.
I love you, and God loves you more. -Zack